I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
