if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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