i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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