It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
