Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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