just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
