i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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