I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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