I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Two words: blizzard sex
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
