just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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