She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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