Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need water and some morals
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
