omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
