LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
