NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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