Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
