I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
