You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
