When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
