So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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