Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i think my cat just said my name.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
