the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
