Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
