the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
