I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
