Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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