now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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