I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
