Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
