there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
