Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
