i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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