a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
