I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
