My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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