I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
