This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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