I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
