I am puke
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
