if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize