I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
