I can text with my tongue
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
