this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize