He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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