Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
