just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.