Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.