You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.