Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize