Umm I'm too high to move.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
