You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
