She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
