finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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