i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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