So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
