whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
