Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
