I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
