also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
