mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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