My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
