I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
