the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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