you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
