i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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