just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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