i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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