That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
