we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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