i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
