Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
