She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
