you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
this hospital has no fireball
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
