yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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