Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
