i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
