He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize