Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
