I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
