wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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