shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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