He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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