oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
