This is the prime rib incident all over again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
